Yes, my name is April. No, I was not born in April. I was born today, February 4th, 25 years ago.
And as I was sitting in a lecture this week about the future of space exploration, I couldn't help but think about how happy I am at this point in my life. I never dreamed I would have a such a hands-on job that involves flying on helicopters. I never imagined I would live within a mile of the resting place of [so far] the greatest rocket ever built, the Saturn V. I could never have realized how happy an upcoming wedding and a life of marriage would make me. I never thought my best furry friend would be a wiener dog, but she is. I never thought I was strong enough to break some Diabetes barriers, like the FAA medical and SCUBA certification, but I found out I am. I thought I could do a lot of things, but actual accomplishments are so much better than thoughts.
I am thankful that even though my Diabetes is now "in the majority" of my years (11 without, 14 with) it has not reared its head with any complications. And, my almost-husband is more than willing to deal with all of its highs/lows/mood swings/etc. He understands that I am, in a way, separate from the disease, that its limitations "don't define me", as Kerri would say. Diabetes is without a doubt one of my most challenging life burdens. I'm not perfect at remembering to check my blood sugar or even typing in a quick bolus. Some days I fail miserably at completing just the basic tasks. And the more difficult tasks of changing carb ratios and basal rates? Well, it is safe to say, I like to just "forget" about those annoying littler buggers.
But this year is different. In June, I will not just be me anymore, I will be a full-fledged "us" (if he says "I do!"). The struggle of Diabetes will be shared jointly, even more than it has these past 5 years, with Chris. We need to be physically ready for whatever may come our way.
So, my 25th year goal is simply "Diabetes". To think about it more, to wrangle it more, to perfect those pesky carb ratios and basal rates, to test whether I want to or not, to track...better, to make better "low" decisions (I am guilty of the "oh, you wanted a PB&J? whoops, I went low last night"), to work together on this disease. It will be a pretty tough goal, for me anyway. Some of you out there may do all of these items without even thinking, unfortunately, I'm just not one of you. Diabetes is hard for me, it sucks actually, I cry about it more than I like to admit, and even my best control has never landed me an A1c under 7.0. But that's ok, I will get there.
WE will get there.
[Chris those Gigi's cupcakes didn't really help the goal...ok, fine, they will be "low" food, let me just dial up 10 units for that celery stick I just ate real quick...]