I may have mentioned my generally annoying bits of anxiety. And you may have noticed my general lack of blogging lately. They sort of go together, and this time I can correlate them to my entirely off-the-charts anxiety about ‘le wedding.
Let me clarify that…I’m NOT anxious about the actual marriage part, I’m anxious about the WEDDING part.
There, I said it, hoofty, I feel better. Time to get my blogger street cred back, I know.
Weddings are weird. Its not everyday you dress up in most definitely the fanciest dress you will ever wear, spend way too much money getting your hair 'did', and smooching on your man in front of a crowd the size of, well...a lot. But yet, you are persuaded into doing these things, culturally, on what many deem as "the most important day of your life". "What?!" I say. I don't look awesome in dresses, I rarely get my hair did because I am a little less than OK with random strangers touching my hair, and Chris will be the first to admit that I am not one for PDAs (public displays of affection, also known as the term in my high school rule book for "making out in the halls"). But here I am, sinking an overwhelming amount of energy into this 'thing', this 'wedding', where I will do precisely all the things I am so bad at doing.
Besides all of these anxiety drivers, I am just downright nervous about everyone looking at me. Go ahead and say it, "It will be alright, April. You are the bride, everyone will think you look beautiful." You can say it a million more times, and yet my knees will still get shaky, my hands will still get clammy, and I will probably hear "Holy crap, everyone is going to be looking at YOU" way louder in my head than anything else you could audibly say to me.
I'm also nervous I will forget something. Not like, "Oh no, I forgot to round the corners on the programs...GASP!" but more like, "S*^t, we forgot to buy wedding bands" (this particular thing will not happen, since we already have those, but I just feel like there is something big I am missing...maybe courage?...is that from Winnie the Pooh? Crap, tangent over.).
So here I am, 73 days out from "the most important day of my life", moping about my cold feet and generally wanting to skip over a lot of the pre-wedding requirements. I will say my anxiety has eased over the past week or two...I'm not sure why, but my money is on my near-vegan diet and a lot more "me" time. I guess even though it takes time and energy to plan a wedding, it shouldn't drive you to give up, no matter how finicky your anxiety is. While, I still think the whole thing is weird, it is only one day and hopefully Chris and I will have a lifetime to be happy together, just being our normal selves (no fancy dresses, makeup or structured PDAs required).